Despite the “anything goes” appearance that exists on the internet and on social media, BDSM has some rules . These rules are adaptable to the personal characteristics and conditions of each one, but there are rules. In addition, it is not a child’s game without consequences since there are potentially dangerous practices, not only physically, but mentally. This is clear when reality begins to be known and lived. It is in this way when one perceives the need for the normative if something is to work within this world.. Anything goes in BDSM can lead to tremendous conflict and dissatisfaction, that people lose themselves thinking that all their desires will be fulfilled just by entering the BDSM circle. Nothing is further from reality. And that is where many continuous frustrations come from not accepting the rules, for not understanding in which area one is moving.

It is one thing to want to spice up your sexual games with Bdsm practices and another to make BDSM your relationship philosophy. The first is perfectly valid and can color and give a new flavor to your sexuality, the second is a deeper life option, which includes more aspects of the intimacy of the person not only the sexual ones, even their social relationships. As it says in the prologue written by Olga Viñuales and Fernando Sáez Jiménez of Wiseman’s book, J. BDSM introduction to techniques and meanings. Ed Bellaterra. Barcelona 2004. On page 16 it is explained:

BDSM also incorporates a body of knowledge that includes norms, ways of life and relationships between people, values, symbols and meanings in continuous transformation, and that, like all sociocultural phenomena, transcends the merely individual and serves as a meaningful context to the social actions of individuals.

This quote that clarifies so many things does not seem to me that it is understood or assumed by a large part of the people who go around the field of BDSM of the networks and the internet and, even in reality. I see widespread confusion. If I stop at the submissives (male and female), which is the objective of the entry, it seems that in general, they are only aware of their rights. To satisfy your needs and your desires. Many use equality between people (with which I agree) in order not to realize or not finish accepting that D / s is a clear and explicit hierarchical relationship .

Many submissives dream of being at the feet of a Mistress. Although for some this desire for submission is punctual and sporadic, most think of it as a medium or long-term relationship. Their desire to submit leads them to believe that their only function as submissives is physical delivery in sessions. That the Mistress will use them for Her pleasure, which will give them pleasure, and that’s it. That can be perfect for isolated games. There is no greater commitment than what was agreed for that session. From the end of the session there is no more link between them. This is called play , it is not a D / s relationship.

When the submissive wants a more lasting relationship, difficulties begin because few consider what duties submission can entail. Because there are obligations and duties for the submissive , as well as for the Dominant , something that they should be clear about and many do not know or want to know, they do not even accept it. I like the word duty because it implies a moral obligation. The submissive has this obligation with respect to his Mistress. If you don’t feel that dutysomething is happening in the relationship that should be clarified and discussed. Clarifying it point by point is the responsibility of the Mistress and the submissive himself because a submissive who does not feel it as a need gives information about the type of submissive he is, which does not imply that it can be very valid for any Mistress.

Assuming these obligations and duties will generate a commitment without which a D / s relationship will not last. Only the continuous conversation will make those duties be assumed by the submissive, accept them and comply with them, fitting their nature and desire for submission. Everything must be in continuous review since a relationship is dynamic and is constantly evolving.

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