The most important role a Sensual Dom plays is to ensure the mental and physical safety of a submissive , especially a newbie who has no idea what will happen during her first few sessions. The second key role the “Sensual Dom” plays is understanding the physical, sexual and psychological triggers that will unleash it sexually. The next 5 questions set the boundaries of safe play and also uncover some key sexual and psychological triggers to help a sub reach the next level of sexual response.
1) What are your hard BDSM limits? (Scat, urine, golden shower, needles, knives, fire, medical game, verbal or physical humiliation, caging, severe pain…) This establishes the current comfort limits of the game for a sub . These boundaries will soften and the trust and familiarity with a Dom and with the BDSM experience for each sub will change over time . Crossing these boundaries without prior discussion is a serious breach of protocol for safe consensual play, a serious betrayal of a sub’s trust, and can trigger a panic attack within the sub .
2) What BDSM practices do you want to try deeply and why? (i.e. sensual touching, bondage, blindfold, spanking, hair pulling, flogging, forced orgasms, orgasm denial, anal sex, rough sex, fisting, hot wax, etc.). The specific acts are not important. What is important to understand why someone craves these specific experiences and how those experiences make a sub feel .
3) What bondage / submission / role play fantasies do you want? (boss and secretary, naughty schoolgirl and teacher, policeman and prostitute, invasion, home rape, multiple men, gangbang, naked and blindfolded in a group of men, etc.). The specific fantasies that a submissive tells us a lot about the underlying settings and themes they arouse (attraction to powerful authority figures, a good girl forced to do bad deeds, a loss of control, sensory deprivation, being sexually forced, sex with strangers, sex with many men, sex in foreign or public environments, etc.). These themes can easily be integrated into the domination scenes that the Dom designs for a specific sub .
4) What sexual / foreplay acts arouse you MOST intensely? (Kisses on the neck, massages, soft and sensual kisses, oral sex, forced deep throat, hair pulling, hand on the throat, etc.). This should reveal the “special sex buttons” specific to a submissive that turns her on a lot. Giving oral sex or being forced to deepthroat or “deep throat” tend to be very common sexual arousals for submissives . These are the buttons that the Dom wants to use to push a sub to the next level of arousal during a session or to initiate a session to put her in an attitude of horny submission .
5) What keywords trigger your arousal or submissive response? Phrases of words like “You’re my bitch”, “Who’s my bitch?”, “Who owns this ass?”, And “Suck my bitch” have sexual messages of power and control when spoken in context. suitable and are spoken by the appropriate man to a submissive . These are powerful “psychological hot buttons” and sexual arousal triggers that can instantly put a woman in a horny submissive mindset . Knowing which phrases specifically arouse a submissive psychologically is key to pushing them to the next level of arousal during a session.
I hope Dominantes and Submissives alike find this article helpful and insightful. Play safe.